he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A bitchslap is in order.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
