Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
