Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The power of my boobs compel you
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
