We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
