I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
