We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
