Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize