Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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