i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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