Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
