what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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