White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
