I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
