I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize