I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
