is your mom at the bar?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
