after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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