she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
