if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
