Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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