Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
