she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
do nipples grow back?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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