it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i think my cat just said my name.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
