Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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