I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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