Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
