god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
