I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
