I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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