It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
