I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
