Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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