the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
