Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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