Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Congratulations! We have a period
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