We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
