Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
