Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
