College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
