It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
