some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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