I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
