Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
