if you like me you must not know who I am
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize