why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize