i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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