So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
