All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize