i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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