And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
