I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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