Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
