Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
