I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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