Betty ford says i'm here all night
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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