I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
