This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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