Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize