Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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