I cockslap morals
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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