we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
