Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
