fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
