Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
