I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the day after is always just damage control
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
