I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
