My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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