I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
