and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
