I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
