Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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