i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We just shotgunned beers for America
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
