I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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