hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
