dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
