so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
