I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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