Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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