The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
