no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize