if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
