I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
