I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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