Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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