I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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