Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
