I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
50% drunk capacity currently
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
