ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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