At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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